first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
