My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
