Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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