I can text with my tongue
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
