Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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