Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
only if we run a train.
done.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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