I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
