I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
