oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
