Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
