I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
