Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
