My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize