What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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