my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
