before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
