last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
