Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Someone came in the potted fern
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
