why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
