Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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