there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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