I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
