i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
