You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
