it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
