butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Apparently you make a good broom.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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