Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
