xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
