He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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