Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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