I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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