I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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