i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
