Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
