a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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