i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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