I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
