LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
