yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
