Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
