i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
