I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND