Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.