Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
operation have a gay friend backfired
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.