this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
