I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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