I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.