We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
