Your tits are I can't wait for
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
