What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
