$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
