i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
