i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
