i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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