i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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