so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
