# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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