6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
