i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
