u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
