No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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