i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
