Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
