I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
