I am puke
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
