I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
