i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
