It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
