he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
