They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
