She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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