i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
