Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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