I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
