a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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