my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
