know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
