they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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