I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
