someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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