I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
