Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
