please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
