i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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