i think my tv is drunk
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
