WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
